It seems to me the people I work with are getting dumber by the day. I posed the following quiz to a friend:

Which of the following statements are true?

1) I'm a freakin' genius.
2) The general populace is dumber than a drunk, retarded slug.
3) I have no patience for the general populace.

They picked #3, but really all three are true. Ok, so I'm not a genius. Technicalities. Here are just a few of the shining examples of the idiocy that seems to gravitate towards my sparkling self. Names removed to prevent (more) bitching, er protect the innocent.

• User puts in a ticket saying they would like their password changed. - Great thanks. Anything in particular or can I just choose something at random and let you guess at it?


• I send out an email telling management folks (these are Managers, Division Presidents and C_O folks) that a project is delayed, why and what we tried to force the vendor back on track. I also included options and costs. I get 2 emails back. Division President asks 'Can we still do this? What are our options?' C_O asks 'What are the estimated costs?' - Jesustapdancingchrist people. Reading comprehension? Anyone? Bueller?


• User puts in a ticket that their name and extension were not included on the master phone list on the intranet. - Could you maybe tell us what the info is? Gonna go out on a limb here and say if we didn't include you it's probably because we don't have your fucking info.


• User doesn't think we respond fast enough to his issues (he's in another state) and starts becoming mentally unhinged in his email communications to me. Proceeds to demand that I "call him" and then verbally berate me for 30 minutes (while on vacation with his wife and kids, I can hear them in the background) including such gems as "I don't need (the company), they need me", "(the company) begged me to come work here" and "I was down for 2-3 weeks." - It was 3 days at most but I can understand. If I had to live in his head days might feel like weeks too. He wants to "sit down face to face and work this out" next time I'm there. Riiiiight. Yeah, I want to be in a room with you alone? I don't think so fucko.

Those are all just examples in the last week. I seriously don't have any idea how these people don't die in spectacularly fiery traffic accidents on the way to work everyday. It just boggles the mind.

edit: HOLY SHIT it worked! FINALLY! Ok, so I guess I have not more excuses for not posting / keeping this updated. A HUGE thank you to Jen for helping. God this was driving me nuts!

More to come soon. No, REALLY I mean it this time. For reals.

But on a different note, with the holidays coming, I know there are just throngs of people who want to buy me gifts, so feel free. :D

So here's the tale:

We get a new ISP at work. They tell us we can't use our existing router and that we have to get a new one. We ask them, will you just sell us what you want us to use? No, sorry that's not what we do, but here is a list of Cisco routers we approve. Ok, easy enough, I call my VAR, I order me up some Cicso routery goodness. It arrives, I unpack it, mount it in the rack and call the ISP for configuration assistance. We start and realize "oh hey, its only got one interface in it? Yeah you need two: one internal, one external". That makes sense to me. I do this shit for a living. Ok fine. But lets pause quickly and ask ourselves who in their right fucking mind sells a router with only ONE interface? Oh yeah, Cisco does so that you can pay extra for the second one.

Back to the story... So I call the VAR, tell him what I need, they send me a 10baseT interface. I check my calendar. Nope, we aren't in 1997 anymore, so why do I not have a 100baseT card? Call the VAR, get their Cisco rep on the phone. "That unit only supports a 10baseT WIC (Wide area interface Card). The only way you can get 100baseT is with this more expensive 16 port switch that will go in the module bay." So I order it. It's ok, I needed to split the line anyhow, now the switch is just built in.

So I get the 16 port switch, install it in the module bay and get the ISP back on the phone. "Hey ISP, it's me again. Yeah, yeah I know been a while. Huh? Oh yeah we're ready to configure this shit, let's do it". So we configure the external interface. It works. Then we go to configure the 1st port on the internal interface. Here's where the car goes over the cliff folks. You can't assign addresses to that type of interface (which is necessary for what I need to do). So I call the VAR:

Me: "Hey what the fucking fuck, you said this would work!!!"
VAR: "Well that's what our Cicso guy said, but yeah he quit so let me get the new Cisco guy on the phone"

(Insert 30 min wait before I call back to say well????)

VAR: "Yeah hes not answering, let me try the Cisco guys at our sister company"
(Conference in my ISP with us here.)
Sister Company: "Yeah it says here that's what you need. How do you make it work? Yeah I don't know that, I only have this sheet here that says that's what you need. Let's call Cisco pre-sales help."
Cisco Pre-Sales: "Yeah that's what it says right here, yup should work just fine. No, no I have no idea how to make it work, you might try tech support."
Sister Company: "Yeah tech support costs money if it's not on a contract, let me try this person I know. Just lie and tell them you are in the process of renewing and that it's just lapsed off contract at the moment."

(Like they wouldn't fucking CHECK??? Anyhow the person isn't there, VAR and Sister Company don't know any more and give up.)

So I decide that I will just call Cicso Tech Support and SEE if this is even possible. I mean they have to know if you can even do this with these parts right?

Me: Hey I have this router and this modular switch and I need to know if it can do what I want?"
Cisco Tech: "Well you need to talk to an engineer. To do that it either has to be under warrantry, you need a service contract or pay the per issue fee."
Me: "Ok this is brand new, it should be under warranty. Here is the serial number on it."
Cisco Tech: "Ooooh that just went out of warranty a little over a month ago. Sorry."
Me: "What??? I just bought this a few weeks ago, a month tops!!!"
Cisco Tech: "Yeah the warranty starts when we sell it to the VAR not when you buy it. They bought this last November and it must have been sitting in their warehouse. We don't even sell this unit anymore, it's discontinued."
(At this point I'm livid, but I have the stuff, if I can make it work then fine. So I think, ok I'll just suck it up and pay for the per issue option.)
Me: "Ok, I'll just pay for the per issue then, how much is that?"
Cisco Tech: "Yeah it would be cheaper for you to just buy a full year of phone support. That's only $400. The per issue charge is $1200."
Me: "You want me to pay $400 for a year of support on a device that I may or may not keep depending on if it will work the way I want, JUST so I can FIND OUT if it CAN work the way I want?"
Cisco Tech: "That's the only way to get to an engineer and they are the only ones that can tell you 100% if this will do what you want. Pre-sales support only has the same sheets the other folks checked which says it can."

So I call my VAR back to bitch at him about this, even though I know he's not there past 5pm and get "Hi, I'm out of the office until July 5th...." Fucking asshat.

So... yeah...

My mind was blown. That's way I say Fuck Cisco, they can suck my nutsack. For $400 a year that is, or $1200 per suck.

A-yup, some fucktard decided that what's mine was theirs and they were tired of my having it. Seems they removed a pane of glass from the side door, reached in and unlocked it letting themselves in. Course they were too stupid or hurried to wear gloves so the cops got 5 lovely prints off of the glass. Oh and those who were wondering, that black fingerprint powder that looks so cool on TV? Yeah it gets all over the fucking place. Whee.

Anyhow, I digress... so they let themselves in, decided to take over 220 DVDs, my Playstion games & memory cards, my Playstation 2, games, controllers and memory cards, my Gamecube, controllers, games, memory cards, some jewelry, some cash and my own duffel bag & suitcase to carry it off. And to think, I only worked hard and spent my own money on these things, so they could have them. Cocksuckers.

Got a new steel door put in, double keyed deadbolts, etc. etc. If they want in, they are always going to get in, I'm just pissed off at myself that I didn't make it harder sooner. Now its just dealing with the insurance company, shopping for replacement items, etc.

So... uh... yeah. Fun fun.

So Friday night I was feeling lazy. It had been a long day, hell a long week. So I decided to treat myself to some delivery chinese. On the surface this seemed to be a wondrous idea. How little I knew then.

So I call up and order some Sesame Chicken and Crab Rangoon. The time: 7:10pm. They tell me in broken English that it will be 55 minutes. WHAT? 55 Minutes? Ok, ok. I can wait. I'm hungry, but fine, sure, great, whatever.

So 8:20 rolls around..... I realize that I have no Chinese food in my possesion. I begin to try calling to ask them if it is coming straight from China. The phone line alternates from busy to ringing endlessly for over 25 minutes. That's it. I'm going to go Communist on some chinaman here. Where the HELL is my food???

Now the is about 8:45 and I've given up on the 'delivery' part of this plan and I'm about to go drive over and see what is going on. Just as I am about to go out the door, my phone rings: "You order Chinese? How you get there?" So I give the directions to this guy three times (note there are only 2 turns involved in these directions. A wounded chimp on a unicycle could make it here from there). I am informed that they are "So sorry" and my food will be here in "Ten Minute".

So I wait. And I wait. Man, I am getting GOOD at this waiting shit. About 20 minutes later the doorbell rings. Its a Chinaman. With food. About fucking time. I relay my anger at having to pay full price for food that took 2 hours to get there. All I get in reply to anything I say is a smile and "Sorry sorry". I could have told him I was going to kick him in the beanbag and he probably would have just said "Sorry sorry". I was very tempted just to close the door and keep the food without paying, but I feared that this "Sorry sorry" Chinaman may have connections to evil ninja turtles. So I paid him.

Elated that I have my Chinese food at long last, I head into the kitchen to dish it out. I take out the Crab Rangoon. Fuck, its DELICIOUS. How can I stay mad when it's this good? I reach into the bag to get the Sesame Chicken out. That's odd, my hands shouldn't be covered in sauce, yet they are. Aces, he manged to slop it all around in his mad rush to get here at a snail's pace. Well now I'm pissed again. Ok, so I dish it all out, wash my hands, start eating and I realize it's lukewarm. Fuckers. So I nuke it in the microwave and I eat. It was all delicious, I was full. Life was good, right? Well no, I'm still pissed that it took 2 hours and change to get there, I got slimed with sauce and it was lukewarm. What to do, what to do...... I KNOW! Call and complain!

So I call. I get to play that fun 'busy, busy, busy, ring endlessly' game some more. That's a fun game. Finally, some woman answers. After about 5 minutes of asking for the manager, etc. without her understanding me, I said the magic word : Complaint. Magically a man gets on the phone with pretty good English skills. Why THIS guy isn't answer the phone all the time is beyond me. So I tell him why I'm ticked, I shouldn't have paid full price, blah blah blah. He offers to send out new food. I explain, for what feels like the 73rd time, that I don't want or need MORE food, I just wanted something done about it. I'm thinking an offer of a refund, credit for food next time, something. I don't think I was out of line here on this one. Exasperated, I tell him "Never mind" and hang up.

Thinking that I was done for the night, I get into my robe, watching some TV, etc. I mean it's almost 10PM, what are the odds of anyone coming over at this hour? *DING DONG* Who the FUCK is at my door now? I open it. Its a Chinaman. With more food. Saying "Sorry, sorry".

Not that anyone cares, but I will be very glad when all this Terri Schiavo business is behind us. Don't think me cruel, I'm not GLAD she's dead, but I am glad she's 'moved on'. Let's be frank here folks, you don't regrow brain cells. If it's pudding, it's pudding. Ask Bill Cosby, he'll tell ya. Now let's move on.

Mitch Hedberg died Wednesday morning at the age of 37. There is certainly some question as to the cause of death (as his drug and alcohol use wasn't exactly a secret). However, until the medical examiner says otherwise, they are claiming a 'heart attack'.

In tribute here is one of my favorite Mitch Hedberg lines:

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you are flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

In my internet travels, I found something called WordPress that I might check out. I know I spent a lot of time getting Moveable Type more or less working, but I really want something better. So perhaps I may fiddle with that this weekend. I maintain that no one really reads this, BUT if they DO I want it all nice and pretty looking. :P

Speaking of travels, I am back from my long weekend in Chicago. It was good to see the family, including the latest exapnsion pack - Nathan :)

I finally fixed the problem on my home machine (Cartman) so that I can play World of Warcraft again. Me happy.

Oh and since I’m rambling all over the place here anyhow, let me take a minute to pimp Ritech Hosting. They are great, responsive and reasonable. All rolled up in one.

Ok, I have blathered on enough for now. More later.

Ok…. on the subject of this software…

It’s called Moveable Type by Six Apart. I used to be a HUGE supporter of their work, but I am finding I have to rethink that stance. I love the product, I love the concept. But with this last revision they just made it so damn complicated and confusing. I’m a reasonably computer literate guy and it drove me bat-shit insane. If I could have found an install of the old version I would have just loaded that. It did nothing but work. Part of me thinks the did this on purpose in hopes that many folks, like I almost did, would just pay the $70 a year for support to get the answers they need.

So Mena, or any other Six Apart folks if you are listening…. wow. You all fucked the pooch on this one.

Ok so…. what’s next for the site?

• Fix the Archives layout
• Get all the old posts added back in and working
• Get more pictures done for the pictures section
• See if I can’t cobble this Moveable Type interface to actually be useful.

I plan on working on some of this this weekend while I am home visiting the folks. At this point my brain is so fried from trying to get this working like it should I just need a few days off from it. So watch for more over the weekend or Monday.

P.S. I had to completely repost this becuase the new verion is so shitty it can’t handle showing whatever post I make on the front page until I make another. It decided that since its a new day and I rebuild the indexes that it was time to archive the post. sigh

Well, version 3 is up (as you can hopefully see). I have some small tweaks to make still, but I think its pretty complete. I need to rework the pictures page, so that will be down a lil bit. I know I have said this about 1,000 times before but HOPEFULLY I can get them done over this week / weekend and get them up (along with some new ones).

Things are pretty much ‘the usual’ here. I’m looking forward to the Flogging Molly show on October 9th. There is talk of going to the Renaissance Festival this Saturday which would be fun. If I do go, I will try to take the digital camera with. :P

Other than the usual, I’m going to try to get the tweaks done on this page. As a matter of fact I’m going to fiddle with the left margin now.

There was a great article in the local paper here about LANlords Gaming that you can check out here.

We just did a one year 36 hour LAN party there, that was a LONG weekend.

Really, that's about all that is going on. I have promised myself to try and get this layout done SOON, so I'm hoping to get something up this week. I'm fiddling with it today as soon as this post is done, so let's see if I can't shut up now and go make some progress, hmm?

Update: Yes, YES, YES! Progress WAS made. Thanks to ForkBanger for all his help. If I even make it to Australia, dinner and drinks are on me. :)

If you want a sneak peek then click here. Keep in mind, this is still evolving and yes Kalan, I know the margins, are X-box huge. :P

(Archive edit: links broken but kept for reading continuity.)

All I want right now is some food and a hotel room. In that order. Soon....soon....

Things going on... Hmm... let's see..

• Kalan & Anna moved here, arrived on St. Patrick's Day and are getting settled in nicely. It's so incredible having them here. I can't put it into words.
• I have played paintball three times now, my knee is finally healed and I'm not doing too bad at it. I have fun at least :) and that's what its all about.
• I have a pretty good mental layout for how I want to do the site redesign, have been playing with color schemes (not TOO much of a color change). If I can manage to arrange some free time, I'd like to start working on it.
• I have been going to the gym with Kalan and Anna 4-6 times a week as schedules allow. My goal is to try and lose 60 lbs by the end of summer. HAhahaha I know. But, I'm going to try
• No, I haven't gotten any work done on the basement lately. That falls into that 'no free time' category.

That about it, its now 11:27 PM and I'm HOPING we can be out of here by 12. Then hit Steak and Shake for drive through dinner and find the hotel.